


Saved by the KoC

by jeni78



Category: Kings of Con (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Facebook, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Kidnapping, Memes, Reader-Insert, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:03:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeni78/pseuds/jeni78
Summary: Imagine, an image with the text: "YOU'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! The characters from the last show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who is coming to save you?"A dramatic rescue tale inspired by the above Facebook meme, in which the author’s answer was Kings of Con, causing the pondering of what it would be like to be rescued by them...





	

Rob Bennett sat on the edge of his bed, frowning down at the paper in his hands, when his best friend, Richard Slate arrived in his hotel room. They had planned on going together for a beer run, but Rob had forgotten all about it when he had seen what was slipped under his door. 

“Heeeyyyyy Bobbo, what's that paper in your hand?” Rich asked curiously, snatching said paper before his friend could answer. It was a sheet of plain white paper with glued-on letters. “Looks like a ransom note.” 

Rob frowned in obvious distress. “I think it is a ransom note, Rich,” he said, grabbing at the paper. Rich twisted around out of his reach to keep him from getting it back. 

“Shit, really? What's – fuck, it's got our names on it!” Rich exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I know. Right there. 'RIchaRd SLAte Rob BeNNett Must Be SEnt to WaRehoUSe @ 123 MaIN ST or tHE GiRL DIEZZZZZZZ'” Rob read out loud. 

“What newspaper article has that many Z's in it? Must be a real snoozer,” Rich mused. 

“Rich! This sounds serious!” Rob said nervously, pacing around the room. “I think someone's life is really in danger. We should probably call the... ahh no that's a bad idea. We can't call the police. All the cops everywhere hate me! And what if they think we had something to do with it?” Rob looked at Rich. “What do we do, Rich?” 

“We could... pretend we never got it?” 

“What if some poor girl dies because of us?” Rob said. “I mean, who goes through all this cutting and pasting if they're not serious?” 

“Kindergarteners?” Rich suggested. Rob snorted and looked disgusted. “Oh, fine. It's pretty near the beer store. Maybe we'll go have a look-see on our way. But if you get us killed, I'm going to kick your ghost ass.” 

Half an hour later, Rich and Rob were standing in front of the creepy abandoned warehouse, staring at a rather imposing steel door. “Should we knock?” said Rob. 

“I guess? I've never rescued anyone from a hostage situation before,” said Rich. “You know Robbie, this seems like a really bad idea.” 

“C'mon Rich. WWBKD. He'd get in there and rescue the girl. You know he would. We gotta do this.” Rob grabbed the door handle and pulled. The door creaked open. 

They peered into the dark interior. Large shadows loomed everywhere. Where the scarce light fell, they could see debris, old industrial equipment, and various dividers and walls that had split the building's space for whatever business had formerly been housed here. Just inside the door, there still hung a phone, a corkboard with yellowed, dusty business cards tacked to it, and a Snap-On swimsuit model calendar from 1997. Rich grinned at it, but Rob shoved him forward. 

“Did you bring a flashlight?” Rob whispered. 

“You didn't tell me to bring a flashlight,” Rich whispered back peevishly. 

“Who doesn't bring a flashlight to a rescue?!” Rob said angrily. “It's dark in here!” 

“Ooh, I have an idea!” Rich said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Ta-da!” He tapped a few times and the flashlight app was activated. They continued to creep slowly through the building. As they neared the back wall, light filtered in from windows high above them and they were better able to see what was there. There was a door leading to a walled-off cubicle. A scuffling, thumping noise came from within. 

“Oh shit. Oh shit,” Rob said, anxiety suddenly washing over him. He grabbed Rich's arm. “You're right, this was a bad idea.” 

“We've come this far. We might as well open the door,” Rich said with a shrug. 

“The kidnappers are probably in there! What if they have guns, Rich? Or knives? Brass knuckles? Pepper spray?” Rob grabbed at Rich's shirt with both hands. “We should get the hell out of here and call the police. Anonymously. Heywood Jablowme can call them.” 

Rich rolled his eyes and dislodged Rob's fingers. “You stay out here then. Cover me. I'm going in to rescue the fair maiden from the creepy kidnappers. Just like when I was Officer Bob Koenig and I made my first appearance, just after the nuclear holocaust.” 

“Your character ended up tied up, with his partner, in his underwear,” Rob snorted. 

“Well I'll be more careful this time,” Rich said, a little uncertainly. 

“Rich, I don't want to end up tied up with you in my underwear,” Rob said, hysteria creeping into his voice. 

“Me neither, Roberto,” Rich said, making a face and patting him on the shoulder. He looked at the door and took a deep breath, steeling himself. Just then, they heard a muffled scream and some louder thumping. They both glanced at each other quickly, then rushed forward to throw open the door and enter the dark, shadowy room. 

* 

You had been tied up in a creepy abandoned warehouse for hours, alternately sitting patiently and hoping for rescue, and screaming for help while trying to dislodge yourself from the ropes and gag, when you heard noises outside the door. It didn't sound like the same gang of people who had grabbed you and trapped you in this place, so you decided to make a fuss and hope for the best. 

You stared at the two men who had just entered the room. They were looking around wide-eyed, poised to defend themselves from attackers, in exaggerated martial arts type poses. 

“Um... I don't see any kidnappers,” Rich said after a moment of his eyes adjusting to the darkness. He stepped cautiously toward you. “You okay?” 

“Mmmph!” you said through the gag tied around your mouth. 

“Oh. Right,” said Rich, reaching behind your head to untie the knotted bandana, pulling out bits of your hair in the process. “Sorry! Sorry,” he said, finally freeing your mouth. “You okay?” he repeated. 

“Mostly,” you answered. “Bruised, a bit. And the ropes kinda chafe.” You wiggled your fingers and toes, still numb from the tight ropes binding your wrists and ankles to the chair. 

Rob had finished scanning the perimeter of the room and found no other signs of people. He joined Rich in helping untie your hands and feet from the chair you were sitting in. “Who did this to you?” he asked. “Where are they?” 

“They left a few hours ago, right after they tied me up here. Said they were from the Meme Society. I don't know what that means, do you?” 

“Never heard of it,” Rich said. He had your wrists freed while Rob worked on your ankles. They soon were able to help you stand on shaky legs and you leaned one arm on each of their shoulders as you walked toward the door. 

“Oh! I almost forgot,” you said. “They said there was a letter for my rescuers on that shelf over there. Maybe you should grab it.” You leaned against Rich while Rob retrieved the envelope from the shelf and read the letter out loud, shining his phone screen at it to make out the lettering in the darkness of the room. 

“Dear Brave Rescuers, We must congratulate you on fulfilling the duty of Rescuing the Person Whose Facebook This Is. We hope that all went smoothly for everyone. We regret any inconvenience or discomfort this may have caused. Please understand, The Meme made us do it. We are all powerless in the face of its command, yourselves included. Please be kind to the Person You Have Rescued, as they are clearly a big fan of your work. Or possibly there was nothing else on, or maybe their friend made them watch it on a dare. You never can tell. Sincerely, The Big Scary Kidnappers.” 

“What the hell is this?” Rob exclaimed. “I think this is officially the weirdest thing that has ever happened to us.” He made a dismayed face at the letter and shoved it in his pocket, offering his shoulder to you again and together he and Rich helped you towards the warehouse door. 

“Oh, think again, my friend,” Rich argued as you all walked slowly and carefully through the building. “I mean, that drug trial? That was pretty crazy,” Rich pointed out. “And I mean, let's not forget the Halloween karaoke.” 

“Let's... let's forget that, actually,” Rob said uncomfortably. 

“Yeah, okay, forget that,” Rich agreed. “Point is... this is pretty fucking weird, but lots of other shit that happens to us is, too.” 

“So, um, is there somewhere that we can escort you safely to?” Rob asked. 

“Oh, there's a hotel a few blocks away. I'm going to a convention there,” you said excitedly. “I can't wait, I'm going to meet my two favorite actors. Such hotties.” 

“Uh huh,” said Rich. “Well I'm sure Justin and Jaden will be a real treat for you, especially after your ordeal.” 

“Oh, not those guys,” you laughed. “Nah... those lumbersexuals are okay and I'm sure they're great guys, but they're kinda overrated. No, I'm going to see Rich and Rob. They're so dreamy.” 

“Quick, let's get her into the sunlight before she changes her mind!” Rich exclaimed, hurrying you out the front door.


End file.
